Today... I quit my job

5/18/23

Today... I quit my job. I was an Entry Level Cabinet Maker. Gotta love it....

Living the life. Livin The Dream.

The Dream where: I take control of the situation.

At my emotional expense- I have experienced what it feels like when people and situations have control over me. Serving in the military is one of those situations where I have experienced how much others are in control of ones life. I never abated... thinking that I could just walk away if I wanted to. I felt beholden to no one sometimes. I accepted my fate and almost wished I was dead and anonymous. Bosnia triggered that feeling in me: dead and anonymous. Maybe famous and lost. My senior year in high school, when more than one relationship in my life was invalidated simultaneously and consistently over 18 months- takes the cake for pushing me in a direction emotionally- that pointed me anywhere but the United States of America. The pain, frustration and confusion was real. It wasn't fake. Sprinkle on some undiagnosed ADD and voila!

I can't control my feelings sometimes. It's difficult. I feel empathy, distrust, fatigue and excitement. I get moody as fuck sometimes. I wish I didn't have to process all of these feelings and sensations but, as of yet, I have not found an easy way to alleviate the recollection of pain and confusion that I associate with people and situations from the past and recent present. Put aside blame and victimization; my point is to explain the mechanical function of an emotional and physical equation. Isn't that what the DSM-5 tries to do? Be a toolset to identify, analyze and explain? Otherwise what is it for? A toolset for playing jokes on people?

As a legal medical cannabis consumer in the state of Oregon, I am labeled with the distinction of being a cannabis abuser or sick from cannabis abuse by the conventional health care system that I interface with- to exploit the benefits I receive from the VA. I have cut down my consumption tremendously, simply by settings some rules and having a job, until today: where my consumption is normally delayed by the need to be clear, attentive and responsible at a place of employment. It's a great opportunity- having gainful employment- so one can follow these rules. I mostly consume to unwind then, after 8 hours of valuable labor Monday thru Friday. On the weekends I try to to avoid consumption before 12pm but I have found myself taking liberty before that time by saying- “It's the weekend!”

I'm stoned right now as I write this, and it is currently 10:30am on a Thursday right after quitting with no notice. I went in on a mission at 7:25am to collect my tool bag and hopefully say goodbye to a few kindred souls who I would be happy to exchange pleasantries with on my way out. It so happens that an older Mexican brother was walking in and I got to explain to him in Spanish that, I needed to depart so that I don't have a negative impact on the company and or vice versa. I wished him the best and that all his dreams come true down in Mexico; which he had talked about so much. He's planning on retiring to Mexico with his savings. He had a falling out with his wife and kids. He feels overtaxed and owned by The State. He had a home in his name that is now in his son's name. Before that he lost a home to foreclosure during the subprime debacle. He says the USA has some nice things but those pinche people and laws that take so much money from him is a true and real chingada. I feel his pain.

Where I was working, the foreman was asking people to voluntarily stay home so that they could still come back to work while avoiding layoffs and unemployment applications. When seeing the job posting originally, it had mentioned a growing/expanding company. I brought this up to the foreman a few days ago during some intense conversation about changes and employment. I told him that the reality, according to him and others is that the business is suffering for different reasons. Regardless, I had kept my head up for almost 8 months until now. After a quick internet investigation, I understand the concept of reduced hours/wages etc vs complete lay offs. Some trade offs and controversies. What really bothers me is being groomed for the long term and then seeing the short-to-mid term reality regarding employment stability. In the words of the foreman, who recently tried to put words in my mouth, I was overqualified but he recently tried to say that I said that. I humbled myself and accepted an entry level position at a job that I assumed was 40 hours a week with this option to grow and learn more. Some of that happened and I'm very grateful for that but, I as an entry level dude, I was also very expendable and replaceable. Most of the people at the company are very experienced woodworkers and assemblers who could put me to shame. I even reiterated to the foreman recently that I know absolutely nothing about cabinetry and carpentry. The truth is that I know a hell of a lot more now than I ever have before. Thanks former cabinet making employer! But thanks to my direct coworkers who shared their knowledge, understanding and respect. I owe them more than the foreman or the owner.

An owner is that by paper and law. We are not in feudal times and I truly believe that I own my labor. You can not change my mind.

When I left my former place of employment today, I sent a resignation email to the foreman, briefly explaining my reasons for leaving on no notice. Again I had investigated in the morning before driving down to the plant; reasons for leaving a job on no notice. The very thorough but concise article by Indeed.com gave many logical and modern reasons. I found a few that suited my needs 1) potential layoff but they try to keep you around at their convenience knowing that if you quit that they have others on hand and will actually save money (IE I did them a favor with no complications) 2) health reasons that cause it unbearable and 3) ethical challenges. I could go into the details but I wont. It's not necessary to get this feeling out. The job was physically taxing at times and my gout flared up enough that I would limp around the job, even on deliveries, doing my best to do more than just keep up. I tried to be independent, cooperative and lead while in pain at times. Sometimes I had to call in sick. 

There are other jobs out there and I wont use the fear of no references to stop me. My dignity and self respect comes from me and no one else in the end. I exercise self respect by removing myself from a problem I cannot solve. It happens to the best of us.

I wish the world good luck. I try to dig deep in my heart and hope the best for the company and my former direct coworkers. Especially my Hispanic brothers and sisters that I shared good times with. I feel an affinity for them because I am married to a Peruvian lady and I speak her language and dialect. I have lived in her country for over 5 years at different times. I am bilingual and you can't take that away from me. I earned it. Cheers!